Bigger-city temptations will pass, given time
By Michael Overall, 3/6/2006
We were driving down a quiet street on the north side of downtown Chicago, bright lights streaming out of historic townhomes and glinting off the snow-covered sidewalk.A bay window in one townhouse had the drapes pulled back far enough to peek inside.
"We could live there," we told ourselves. "That could be us."
My wife and I started planning our resumes. It's tempting, sometimes very tempting, to leave Tulsa.
Every time you drive through downtown and pass more parking lots than pedestrians. Every time you hear about a big, high-paying job "in the city." Every time you go on vacation.
It's tempting.
Desirable addresses: Russell Hittinger feels it every time he's rushing through an airport somewhere between here and wherever he's going.
"I long to live in a city with direct flights."
A professor at the University of Tulsa, Hittinger won't describe himself as a highly respected Catholic scholar. But that's how other highly respected scholars describe him.
He could land a job on any campus he wants. Before coming to Tulsa, he lived in New York, Princeton, N.J., and Washington, D.C.
"All very desirable addresses, and very fun if one is 25-30 years old."
But you get tired of the outrageous rents, the rude neighbors and the 90-minute commutes.
"Mid-size American cities like Tulsa," Hittinger says, "are the best places to live."
He wasn't always so sure. The first time he came to Tulsa, 10 years ago, he expected dusty plains and simple folk. Instead, he found wooded hills, historic neighborhoods and a diverse population.
"Whenever we have a wistful spell about the big cities back East, we remember what it was like to have to throw a temper tantrum to get our laundry, or to bribe your building supervisor to open the storeroom, or to wait for a month for a plumber to show up, or to have a mortgage that drains 60 percent of your take-home pay."
Not faceless: So Tulsa's a nice place to raise kids. The traffic isn't too bad. The rents aren't too high.
But what about having a career? What if you dream about being an actor? A musician? An artist?
How many talented people have left Tulsa before turning 30?
William Bernhardt wanted to be a novelist. And when it was time to sell his first manuscript, he couldn't find any agents in the Tulsa phone book.
"That never stopped me," he says. "I believe in perseverance. Don't give up, and you'll get to where you want to be."
He wanted to be on the national best-seller list. And he's made it there several times now, without ever moving out of Tulsa.
"In Chicago, there's probably a best-selling writer on every street corner. But less so here."
Which is Bernhardt's way of saying, as a big fish, he enjoys swimming in this smaller pond.
"Tulsa is big enough to have the same opportunities as a larger city -- the shopping, the arts, the dining. But Tulsa is small enough that you aren't faceless."
Heading home: On vacation in Chicago that night, with a light snowfall dusting the windshield, my wife and I were still talking about our resumes as we circled the block, looking for a parking spot so we could go inside and eat.
Some lots wanted $30, which after the first hour we would have been willing to pay. But they were all full.
Exhausted, exasperated and still hungry, we went back to the hotel. And couldn't wait to get back to Tulsa.
Why did we ever dream about leaving? Sometimes -- in fact, most of the time -- it's not tempting at all.